Exploitation of Friends Can Lead to Romance
by jeevesandwooster
Summary: JL, After six consecutive years of being shot down, James has tried everyway in the book to get Lily to go out with him...guess he'll have to make up a new way.
1. Inspiration

Disclaimer: If I were J.K. Rowling, I'd be British...and it would make a lot more sense that I spell the words colour and favourite the way I do.

Chapter One: The Inspiration

It'd almost become their token greeting.

"Good morning, Lily-my-only. The sun is shining, will you go out with me, and Professor Flitwick says to meet with him before lunch."

"I'm trying to study Potter, it's been raining all morning, I don't date slime, I already talked to Professor Flitwick and stop stealing my bacon."

And so on.

'Telling a Lily' had become synonymous with announcing something embarrassing, usually by screaming "I LOVE YOU!" between Herbology and Potions.

To put it simply, James Potter had asked LilyEvans to go out with him 532,698 times. (Remus Lupin, James' oldest friend, had kept careful count ever since the first time: when on the Hogwarts Express first year Lily had beaten Snivellus to the last cauldron cake. James had immediately fell to one knee and proposed.)

Sirius Black found the entire situation entirely too amusing.

"Prongs, ol' chum," he said, using his codename for James, "I don't see why you don't simply go out with one of the hundreds of other girls in this school. At least 98 of them are willing to overlook that you're a stupid wanker because of your good looks. I don't see why it has to be li'l Ms. Know-It-All. She's such a boring loser."

"Sirius...you're a moron, you know that?" said Lupin in a bored voice, not even looking up from his book. Even Peter Pettigrew, who was unusually slow on the uptake, could tell that Sirius had said the wrong thing.

"Take it back, Padfoot," said James in a low, dangerous voice.

"Like hell I will," he retorted, "You need to realize now that the idea of Lily dating you is a joke." It wasn't until it was too late that he noticed James' wand against his temple.

"Alethioral Inebriatius," James intoned, then casually went back to the 9th love poem he'd written this week while Sirius, with a happy grin on his face, ran downstairs to tell everyone about Mr. Fluffy, his stuffed dog.

"The Drunken Confession Charm, James?" asked Remus mildly, "Seems a little harsh, don't you think?"

"He asked for it, Moony. Now, how does this sound? 'Your hair is as red as the sunrise, your eyes the deep green of the sea, Lily Evans I know that you've said 'no' before, but PLEASE won't you go out with me?'"

"I honestly don't think the 'sensitive' tactic is going to work any better this time then it did in third year."

"But girls are _supposed_ to love sensitive guys!" James whined. "What did _you_ think, Wormtail?"

"I thought it was brilliant, Prongs! Really clever, rhyming 'sea' and 'me' like that!" but James was already ignoring him.

"Darn it, Moony. I've tried everything!" From downstairs, they could vaguely hear Sirius earnestly confessing his undying devotion to American muggle soap operas. "Sirius is right: the idea of Lily dating me is a joke."

He dejectedly drew a little heart around the name Lily. Quiet fell in the seventh year Griffindor boys' dorm until...

"Wait, that's it!"

"What's it?" asked Remus, rolling up his Arithmancy essay. Black stormed into the room.

"James Potter, I'm going to KILL–"

"Shut up, Padfoot," said James, impatiently cutting off his best friend's outraged spluttering. "I've just figured out why Lily won't go out with me!"

"'Cause you're a prat?" grumbled Sirius, but James ignored him.

"After all, it can't be argued that I'm irresistible. The only possible reason she is able to withstand my charms is because I must not have been my normal irresistible self around her. I keep trying to be sensitive, or studious, or show-offish, or standoffish..."

"Well then, who IS the real you?" asked Lupin, interrupting what could be a long tirade...after all, James _had_ tried everything.

"You're my best mates, you tell me."

"You have no idea, do you?" asked Remus.

James hung his head. "No."

Sirius rolled his eyes and dug some Licorice Wands out of his candy stash. "I mean, I have this sort of vague idea," continued James as Sirius ripped off the wrapper of a cherry-flavoured one, "The time I feel most relaxed and normal is when I'm–" At this point, James was cut off by a large popping sound, accompanied by Sirius' head turning into a rather large cherry. The room filled with laughter: Remus' quiet chuckles, Peter's nervous giggles, and James' full bodied laughs, between which he forced out the words "pulling...pranks!"

After Sirius' head had turned back, (though his hair was still a bright red,) and he had subsequently beaten James over the head with Peter's Potions essay, ('Hey! Watch it, Padfoot! Y'might tear it!' 'I'm doin' you a favour, Wormtail, you'll probably get more points if the Professor can't read what you wrote!), everyone had calmed down enough to consider what James had said. It was true that the only time James was more natural than he was in the midst of a prank was when he was flying, and give Lily's extreme hatred of heights, it was unlikely that he'd be able to get her on a broomstick in order to ask her out.

"So...what? Are you gonna make her a Marauder, Prongs?" asked Sirius with disgust.

"Yeah! Are you James?" asked Peter, with enthusiasm.

"Of course not!" said James, looking appalled at the idea.

"Good. I don't think Lily would approve," commented Remus, "At least you have some common sense. So what is it you intend to do?"

"Prank her."

"I see I spoke too soon," said Remus dryly.


	2. Let the games begin!

1Disclaimer. J.K. Rowling: rights, money, brainchild. Me: nothing. There. Happy?

Chapter 2: Let the games begin!

Lily was awakened, of all things, by the utter lack of noise from the seventh year girls' dorm below her. Glancing at her clock, she was surprised to note that her alarm clock read 6:00 am. At this time there should have been utter bedlam as her peers chatted and bustled about getting ready for breakfast. On top of being brave and bold, Gryffindors were almost universally loud. Feeling that, as Head Girl, she really oughtn't discourage calm and quiet, she decided against padding down to ask if something was wrong and began to prepare for the day. Entering the luxurious bathroom off the Head Girl suite (her favorite perk) she hopped in the shower and put the relative halcyon from her mind.

Meanwhile...in an abandoned classroom...

"Thank you, ladies, for coming down here so early to help us test these new products."

"If they do what you say, Remus, the pleasure is ours!" giggled Emily Terrence, a tall mousy blonde with a not-so-secret crush on Lupin.

Sirius and Peter handed out the glasses to the three girls. "Enjoy," Black winked at the girls as he performed the spell to activate the charm on them. The girls shrieked and blushed as the glasses made the marauders appear before them in only their underclothes. Peter was wholly ignored, to his apparent relief, as Marjorie and Allison stared openly at Sirius, who was lounging against a wall and smirking, and James, who was ignoring them as he perused a worn bit of parchment. Emily stared hungrily at Lupin, who nervously grinned and popped out of his seat to talk to James.

"So, how long do we have to keep this up, Prongs?" he glanced over his shoulder at his appraiser. "Padfoot's enjoying this, but I feel a little exposed."

"Sorry, Moony," he said, his eyes still glued to the map, "We have to keep these ladies occupied 'til Lils leaves the common room."

Lupin glanced at the map in James' hand and saw that 'Lils' was still roaming her private bathroom. "Damn," he said, and opened his book, trying really hard to ignore how Emily's eyes roamed his body.

Lily hummed as she did a quick drying charm on her hair, and grabbed her uniform. Her good mood quickly vanished, however when she opened her closet to find that her favorite pair of shoes had been transfigured into a pair of left shoes. After trying and failing to transfigure it back, (oh how she HATED Transfiguration!) She growled in frustration, and tossed them over her shoulders to find another pair. Left shoe after left shoe flew over her shoulder as she tossed them aside indiscriminately, trying to find at least ONE right shoe.

"Damn those marauders!" she exclaimed, briefly wondering how they'd managed to get into the girls' dorm in the first place, and rushed down to the 7th year girls' dorm to see if she could borrow one of her friends' pairs...only to find them all missing. Lily paced frantically on the landing, wondering what to do. She couldn't ask one of the younger girls, she was Head Girl! She was supposed to be the law and order around here, she couldn't show weakness by admitting to being pranked by who was likely the Head Boy. She screamed in frustration at the thought, dismissing the fact from her mind that James Potter had NEVER pranked her before, and had instructed the marauders to do the same. What had Dumbledore been thinking assigning that...that...ill-mannered prat the task of Head Boy? Well, she wasn't going to give that...Potter the satisfaction of seeing her plead with the younger girls. She composedly walked back to her room and shoved her feet into the shoes. Through sheer stubbornness, she walked an apparently effortless straight line to her bathroom, giving absolutely no indication to the empty room that she currently was operating with what was essentially two left feet. With anger simmering just beneath a thin but sturdy veneer of composure, she started to brush her teeth.

'Started' being the operative word.

"Bloody hell! Those sodding Marauders are going to get it!" she screamed, not particularly caring that her mom would likely wash her mouth out with soap if she ever heard that Lily had used that kind of language. The soap would probably be welcomed, as Lily gagged and spluttered around a mouthful of garlic-flavoured toothpaste. Spitting it hastily out of her mouth, Lily quickly performed the palate-cleansing charm, to no avail. She felt a little chagrined. While admittedly, (and oh how she hated admitting it) Potter had higher marks than her in Transfiguration, she always got top marks in charms. The fact that he or one of the marauders had found a way around her charm work...Lily ground her garlic-flavoured teeth and marched resolutely down to breakfast, angrily adjusting her stride to compensate for her footwear.

Weather clashed as Lily's stormy temperament waged a silent war with the clear, sunny skies of the Great Hall's magnificent ceiling. To the Gryffindors, it seemed business as usual as their reclusive Head Girl sat at the far end of the table working diligently to find a balance between ladylike table manners and getting the breakfast down her throat as quick as possible so as to avoid Potter. As far as the Gryffindors could tell, she'd only managed to clear out of the hall before his arrival twice, and both times he'd been waiting outside the doors with a bouquet of flowers charmed to sing off-key love songs. (James' charms were shaky at best.)

Still, she plowed on, dreaming that one day she'd only have to see the detested boy in classes and Prefect meetings. So, she kept an ear open to the gossip of the girls next to her. They always made for a kind of 'Potter Early Warning System', extolling the virtues of his Quidditch muscles whenever he entered the room. The few seconds head start was well worth the inane chatter. Currently they were twittering about something involving Sirius Black, glasses, and Appleby Arrows boxer shorts. Lily put the final sentence on her Transfiguration essay just as the conversation turned to her foe.

Hastily, she attempted to roll up the scroll, but only succeeded in knocking over her inkwell. Cursing quietly, she banished the spilled ink back into its jar and shoved everything into her book-bag, rising from her seat in the same smooth maneuver which would have been graceful if she hadn't run smack dab into James Potter himself. She overbalanced and would have landed in a huge bowl of black pudding if James' hands hadn't grabbed her round the waist. Lily was so shocked by the fall she didn't immediately register that James had dropped his hands the moment she was steady, handed her her book-bag, gently admonished her to be more careful, and ran off to sit with his friends, all in a couple of seconds. By the time she had recovered, he was already buttering his toast.

"Well," thought Lily, "that was weird."

Still reeling from her fall and James' abnormally normal behaviour, she made her way slowly towards the doors. As she walked, she felt something sliver up her leg. Worried a snake had found its way up her leg, she jumped, and as she did she felt a strange flapping around her neck. Looking down, she saw her blouse flapping open, the first few buttons vanished and her chest brazenly displayed. Looking down at the 'slithering', she watched in horror as her skirt inched its way several inches shorter than dress code and modesty would allow. Hearing a wolf whistle, she whirled around, eyes blazing, to find her attacker. Her eyes hit upon Sirius Black, who was still whistling appreciatively as he appraised her legs and chest, James Potter looking at him in horror.

Before she could hex him, as she sorely wanted to, she suddenly became aware of the snickers around the hall as everyone stared at the newly 'exposed' head girl. A blush quickly rose in her traitorous redhead's complexion, and she angrily whirled on her heel, quickly returning her clothes to their normal state. 'At least I could reverse this one' she thought dejectedly, tears of embarrassment barely masked by her hair as she raced out of the hall, tripping over her two left shoes.

James glared at his best friend. That prank should have just vexed her, not upset her. James knew her well enough that if Sirius hadn't whistled, she would have simply changed her clothes back and pretended nothing was wrong. When he had whistled though, she had turn around, giving everyone a clear view of the new outfit when it had previously been hid by her robes. 'Damn it,' he thought, and gave Sirius another dirty look.

"It's ok, Prongs," said Lupin, correctly interpreting his friends look. "She'll be angry again within five minutes. Nothing phases her for long."

James smiled at that. It was true. She had done an admirable job walking in those shoes. He had almost forgotten he'd transfigured them as she walked by. And the toothpaste...he grinned as he looked at the leftover food on her plate. Eggs, sausage, toast...her plate was filled with things that tasted good with garlic. 'My Lily is a clever, clever girl,' he thought to himself, 'but not clever enough to notice what I did to her book-bag when I handed it back. He grinned...he couldn't wait for next hour.

A/N: Ok, for those of you who are confused: I decided that the head boy and girl would probably have their own rooms, since prefects get their own cool bathrooms. I also decided that since the Marauders were the predecessors of the twins, they would probably manufacture joke products as well. Finally, I want it noted here and now that the ONLY 'SHIP in this is James and Lily. Lupin has a mild stalker, and Sirius has various flavors-of-the-week, but there are no serious 'ships for either of them. I believe Lupin is too shy and is likely to push girls away because of his lycanthropy. Sirius is just a playwizard, but more on that next chappie...


	3. Of Framing and Hair Dye

Exploitation Chapter Three: Of Framing and Hair Dye

Disclaimer: I own the following: HP 1 in British, American, and French, HP 2 in British and American, HP 3 in British and American, HP 4 in British and American, HP 5 in British and American, HP 6 in American and in special illustrated edition, one homemade issue of the Quibbler, one Lumos booklamp, Quidditch Through the Ages, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, The Unofficial JK Rowling bio, The Official JK Rowling bio, The Science of Harry Potter, Exploring Harry Potter, two HP book ends shaped like Harry and Hermione, two knick knack HP boxes (again of Harry and Hermione…I can never seem to find Ron ones), a Christmas ornament of Harry catching a snitch, an ornament holder with the Hogwarts crest, and a giant Hagrid figurine/doll thingy. And this fanfic. I however, own no rights. (looks over what I've written so far) Jeez, that's pathetic…

A/N: As I said in the last chappie, I will not be shipping anybody but Lily and James in this fic, unless I decide to do an epilogue, in which case there will probably be a little Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione. I would also like it known that I have decided to rename this fic. It shall now be called "Good Things Come to Those Who Bait". Or maybe that should be a subtitle…Thoughts?

If Lily had known she was proving that James knew her very well, she would have walked calmly into the first period of the day. As it was…

"Ms. Evans!" A slightly pudgy man with an uncanny resemblance to a gaudy armchair with a walrus-like mustache started as the redheaded witch stormed into his classroom, accidentally knocking over a desk and causing two vials to crash to the floor. "Are you quite alright?"

Lily spared the man a glance and sighed as she refrained from slamming the ancient wooden door to the dungeon room that was her potions class. "Sorry, Professor Slughorn, it won't happen again." She struggled not to show her disdain as her potions professor waved it off and made a big deal of saying that it was no problem and that it would be ridiculous to punish a girl who was such a shining example much of the time. Winking in a conspiratorial manner, he assured her there would be no punishment. Lily said nothing. She was not one to criticize teachers, and she certainly wasn't going to complain when it was in her favor, but she despised teachers who played favorites.

'Especially those who do it so…conspicuously,' she thought as she sat down behind a cauldron in the very back of the room. Plunking her bag down in front of her, she rummaged in the front pocket to pull out her copy of 'Advanced Potion Making' by Libatius Borage…

…and pulled out a copy of the Playwitch December issue instead. Her eyes widened in horror as she dropped the magazine on the floor in shock and it fell open to the centerfold. Quickly, as the other students were starting to arrive, she stuffed the incriminating dirty magazine back into her bag…but not before seeing the mailing information.

She was going to kill Sirius Black. And she would do it slowly.

Taking care of the matters at hand, she carefully closed the bag and walked to the front of the classroom and informed Professor Slughorn that she had 'accidentally left her textbook in the common room this morning.'

"I'm afraid that the book is necessary for today's lesson. You will be relying heavily on pages 139 through 152 for instruction in brewing today's potion. It's a tricky one, and will be on the N.E.W.T. exam." Slughorn looked with concern at dismayed-looking witch. "And I just don't have any spare books."

"Lily Evans, not prepared?" came a laughing voice from behind. Lily glared daggers at Black as he ambled into the classroom, followed by the other Marauders. As he and Remus took their seats, (Peter Pettigrew was abysmal at Potions and had not made the grades in his O.W.L. year to continue taking the class at N.E.W.T. level,) James paused and looked at Lily.

"That is pretty unusual for you, Lily," he said, with concern in his voice. "You feelin' okay, Evans?"

"I'm fine," she muttered, wishing he'd just go away. Instead, she groaned as he, very gallantly, offered to share his book with her. Slughorn beamed and waved them to their seats as the period started and the few stragglers rushed into the classroom. As the two sat down Lily hissed at the smirking James, "I'd rather pair with Snivellus than you." Confidently, James glanced over at the greasy-haired Slytherin that was his main rival. Severus Snape was bending over his textbook, hastily scribbling notes in the margins of the page. Briefly, he marveled at how the pale boy managed to work so hard, then reminded himself that he was still a greasy git before he started admiring a Slytherin. Still, he had been making a concerted effort to act a little more…fairly to the boy after the 'Sirius' incident a couple of years ago. (What was he _thinking?_ He could have got Snape killed!) While this didn't mean that he'd stopped pranking him, he'd only done it in retaliation for calling Lily 'mudblood' or for pranking first, and then only in private where he wouldn't be publicly humiliated. And…

"You oughtn't call him that," he spoke suddenly, shocking Lily so much that she nearly cut her finger off as she chopped up the billywig stingers for the weight-loss potion they were supposed to be brewing.

"What?" she asked incredulously, staring at him as he calmly dumped the chopped stingers into their cauldron. He ignored her as he gave the potion three counterclockwise, followed by one clockwise stir. He did not even look at her until he had added the roots he had grated that would ensure the potion didn't simply float away. Nodding as the potion turned the clear cerulean indicated by the book, he finally answered the now-impatient, (though slightly impressed) Lily.

"Snivellus," he said calmly, "You oughtn't call him that. He hasn't done anything to you yet. No need to antagonize him."

Lily was infuriated. How dare he?

"How dare you?" she said, "You hypocrite, you've called him nothing else in all the years we've been in school, and almost always unprovoked!"

"Not for a while now," James muttered, blushing a bit as he started to prepare the next ingredient for the cauldron. "I've been trying to leave him alone unless he attacks first." He shoved a silver knife into Lily's hand and indicated that she needed to finely chop the beetle wings, effectively ending the conversation.

Lily's mind was in complete disarray as she mindlessly set about the task. What the hell was going on here? James wasn't supposed to have grown up! He was hopeless. This was a universal constant and a law of nature. She snuck a look at his slightly troubled face. What had happened to change his mind? As she pondered this confusedly she failed to notice a sly look overcome his features.

"Hey, can I borrow a quill?" he asked, reaching toward her bag as if to take one out of the pocket. Her green eyes grew huge as he reached in.

"HERE!" she yelled, loud enough to draw an odd stare from the Professor. Face flushed, she dropped her gaze as she shoved the quill she'd been using into his hands. "Use mine," she muttered.

He withdrew his hand from the recesses of her bookbag, suppressing a smirk. "Thanks," he said, and began to write down the essay assignment Slughorn had written on the board. (Five feet of parchment on the effects of using billywig stings in common potions-Due next time!)

The two worked in silence for a few minutes. Lily was surprised: they had never been together so long without fighting, and James was a good worker. After they had filled a vile with their final lime green concoction, however, he broke the relatively peaceful silence. "Listen," he said, "I'm sorry about this morning." She stared at him, anger mounting. Was this a confession? "Y'see," he continued, "I pulled a prank on Sirius last night…"

"Oh!" she said, remembering, "You were behind the Inebriatius curse?"

He threw a rakish grin at her. "Yeah."

He continued. "I knew he'd try to get back at me, but I never imagined he'd ignore my rule for the Marauders and go after you instead of me. I'm really sorry, that was way off of him." He turned away to pack his bag so she wouldn't see the malicious smile on that had spread across his face as her eyes lit up with rage. That, he mentally admonished Padfoot, was for wolf-whistling at my girl.

Just then, the bell charmed to signal the end of class sounded.

"Do you mind turning the potion in, Potter?" asked Lily in a seemingly-calm voice. "I have something I need to take care of."

"Of course not," said James cheerfully. "Go right ahead. I'll tell you how we were marked at dinner." But Lily was already gone. Taking his time, he finished packing away his supplies and took the small vial to the front of the classroom. Slughorn had pulled a carton of crystallized pineapple out of his desk and absentmindedly offered a piece to James, who politely took one. Professor Slughorn took a piece himself and chewed as he noted the potion's completion by James and Lily's name…and dropped it as a sound akin to a krup having its tail removed by being strapped to a Filibuster firework resonated somewhere above their heads.

"What was that?" said the Professor jumpily.

James chuckled. "My guess is an unfortunate dog who got on the bad side of a very angry witch," he murmured, and shouldered his bag as he walked out the door.

* * *

"What'dja go and blame me for, Prongs?" asked a peeved looking Sirius as the four plopped down around the table in their war room. They had discovered it in the fourth year, a small chamber between their dorm and the sixth years' dorm below it that was accessed by tapping a wand to the carving of a lion on the third bed frame from the right five times. They called it Godric's Hollow and it was there that they planned their pranks. (They also kept all their prank pulling tools their, preferring to leave the Marauder's Map and James's invisibility cloak in their rather than in their trunks.)

Remus grinned at his friend, "It's a good look for you, Padfoot."

"Shut it, Moony," snapped the irate Sirius. He had spent a good thirty minutes trying to reverse the charm, but he simply couldn't get his hair to change back to black. The bubblegum locks that fell to his shoulders gave the impression of an ugly clown wig.

Peter piped up, "You can borrow my hat, Sirius." (Peter had bought the hat after his parents had forced him into a particularly bad bowl cut, and it was better than wearing the slightly dorky wizard hats that were part of the school uniform.)

"Thanks, Wormtail," said Sirius gloomily, looking one last time at his reflection in the shiny surface of the table.

"I'm actually surprised she went easy on you," said James mildly. "No one saw you, did they?"

"No," admitted Sirius grudgingly, "she cursed me in a back hallway so no one would see the head girl hexing a student. And she knows we have those communication mirrors, so she had to know I'd call you to bring the invisibility cloak." (The fact Lily had not snitched about or confiscated the items was the only, as far as Sirius could tell, redeeming quality of the stuffy girl.)

"Well there you go, and like Moony said it looks good on you. I bet Marjory will think it's cute."

"Kathryn," Sirius corrected absently, "Marjory was last week."

James rolled his eyes at his friend and began the meeting. "Ok, so the first order of business: The X-Ray glasses were a complete success, we'll be able to start marketing those next week. Operation: prank Evans is on track…" Sirius sniffed derisively at this. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," piped up Remus, "The map. A couple of first years stumbled across the password again. 'Professor Kettleburn only has one leg to stand on' isn't going to cut it."

"Bloody hell!" James cursed, "I thought for sure no one would figure that one out. Alright, we'll have to come up with a new password. Until then, the map stays in Godric's Hollow. Any other business?"

Silence in the room. "Ok," said James straightening his glasses, the next full moon is in nine days. How does everyone feel about exploring the Quidditch pitch?"

* * *

That night as the puddings were being polished off at the end of dinner, Sirius sauntered over to the Ravenclaw table and held out a hand to his flavour-of-the-week Kathryn, who grinned up at him and, giggling, allowed him to lead her out of the Great Hall. (Apparently, James was correct in the assumption that the girl would like the pink hair, even if he'd said the wrong girl.) Munching on his favourite treacle tart, James rolled his eyes at his promiscuous best friend…and saw Lily grinning evilly after the couple. Gulping audibly, he looked quickly away. If she ever looks at me like that, he thought, I'm moving to Siberia.

* * *

James started out of bed with a jump, as did the rest of the castle. An unholy shriek was echoing through the halls of Hogwarts. Ten minutes later, their ears still ringing from the mysterious noise, the door of the seventh year boys' dorm in Gryffindor tower burst open under an invisible force and James's curtains on his four-poster bed flew apart. Next thing he knew, there were invisible hands around his throat, and the invisibility cloak fell from the enraged features of Sirius Black as he strangled his best friend. Remus and Peter, after a second of astonished silence, jumped up and pulled their two friends apart. Looking incredulously at the two panting boys, (one panting from rage, the other from lack of oxygen), Remus exclaimed, "What the hell is going on?"

James shook his head, still unable to speak. Sirius, his voice quivering with rage, spat out the tale, "Did you hear that scream a few minutes ago?" Everyone nodded mutely, "That was Kathryn." Everyone stared. "We were having some fun in the astronomy tower, and things were progressing nicely. She got my pants off and…" he trailed off. Peter was staring at him in awe. Remus was shaking his head in exasperation and absently fingering his practically useless Prefect's badge. James choked out hoarsely, "Just because what goes on below your belt leaves something to be desired…"

"It's YOUR FAULT!" Sirius bellowed, his red face clashing terribly with his still-pink hair as he screamed at James. "You had to go and tell her I did it."

"What are you on about?" said James, his mind flashing back to that terrifying look on Lily's face while Kathryn and Sirius had departed on her tryst.

"She didn't just curse my head." Sirius explained, his voice low and deadly. "She cursed _all_ my hair pink." Barely controlling his rage, he stormed out of the room, declaring as he left that he was going the common room and that he would be back in ten minutes, at which point James had BETTER be out of their room and back in the Head Boy room WHERE HE BELONGED! As the door shut and James, chuckling, gathered his things together.

"Hey," said Peter, "Hey, that's right! Why aren't you in your own room, James?"

Throwing the bundle he'd made using the discarded invisibility cloak over his shoulder, he grinned at the two. "I had a feeling Lily's revenge wasn't done. She never does things by half. I wanted to have witnesses to stop him when he eventually came to kill me."

* * *

Back in the Head Girl's room, a very awake Lily laughed silently. That about compensated for the wolf-whistle, she thought. She knew better than to think that Sirius had pulled the actual pranks this morning, (though the lie James had given had been, admittedly, brilliant). His transfiguration, she had remembered shortly after cursing him, was almost as bad as hers. Not that she had regretted her actions; she smiled as she heard muffled cursing from the common room below. At all. But now it was the Head Boy's turn. She fell asleep, sweet dreams of vengeance in her head.

End of Chapter Three


End file.
